“You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view... Until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it.”
― Harper Lee, To Kill A Mockingbird
― Harper Lee, To Kill A Mockingbird
Dear Granddaddy, I'm not even sure where to start. There's a lot that I've never told you, but it's now necessary that I tell you because I never know when I won't be able to. More than anything, I want to say thank you and I love you. To start with I want to say I'm sorry that I don't talk much to you. I just never know what to say and I don't want to sound dumb around you. You are unlike any man I have ever met. As you get into your old age you become more and more stubborn and we understand that life is getting more difficult but we are here to help you and we want to help you. Ask us for help. I know it's hard. I'm learning as well. You are the kindest, wisest, most thoughtful, strong, sweet, and generous man I have ever come to know. You give me hope for all men in the world. There's so much you have done and given me that I could never repay you. There's not enough peanuts, moonpies, TCM movies, collard greens, overalls, and german chocolate cakes that could give you that truly shows the gratiutde I have towards you. There's so much you have taught me that I don't even know where to begin. You taught me how to carve my first pumpkin, how to shell peanuts, the correct way of politics, the purpose of overalls, history lessons, how to find the best cantaloupe, and how to cut a tomatoe and how to spice them up the best way. Here are just a few of the things I am grateful that you have done. 12. Thanks for allowing me to catch you off guard one day and telling me I was your favorite and now you deny it. 11. Thanks for always being so eager to try my recipes. You light up my world when you say, "Oh boy. I can't wait to try them." 10. Thank you for planting the seed of traveling in me. You've traveled the world and the seven seas. You've been to all fifty states and even more countries. I hope to one day travel to the Great Wall of China in honor of you. 9. Thank you for being simple. You are the most simpliest person I have ever met. The little things are truly what make you happy. A cup of sweet milk and cornbread and a plate of collard greens will suite you just fine. You have taught me to love the little things and the simplest things. 8. Thank you for giving me the key to your heart - I wear it everyday and I thank God for how truly amazing you are. 7. Thank you for giving me the boot that you took the great walk around Jacksonville in. You may have been small at the time but even then you knew where you wanted to go and you've accomplished everything you've saught out to do. Thank you for allowing me dream big. 6. Thank you for driving seven hundred miles to come see my dance recitals when I lived in Georgia and thank you for driving thirty miles to come see me dance when I lived in Palestine and thank you for driving down the road to see my last dance. 5. Thank you for opening your heart to my best friend over the past year. 4. Thank you for cooking my favoirte meals when I'm home. I do truly love what you cook (except sauerkraut and weenies) I'm just a picky eater. I love your potato, taco and tamale soup. I love your tunafish casserole. I love breakfast on Saturdays. 3. Thank you for the flowers you've given me over the years. No one truly knows how much I love flowers. On behalf of granny I thank you for always putting new flowers on her grave. 2. Thank you for giving me the best love story to ever know. Thanks for falling in love with granny's legs and asking if she was single and going after her after she called of her prior engagement. Thank you for being a true gentleman. 1. Thank you for being the dad I never had. Thank you for helping my mom raise me over the last nineteen years. Thank you for accepting us into your house when we moved back from Georgia. Thank you for still loving me even though I've cluttered your house with all my art supplies, thrity something pairs of shoes, and my endless baking supplies. I can't wait for you to walk me down the aisle one day. Thank you for all you do. I wouldn't be where I am today with you - literally I wouldn't be in my dorm writing this because you've helped with Southwestern soooo much. I don't want to ask for anything but I do have one request and that is that you use the ramp to the house. It's on the side you park your truck and it would be so much safer and easier if you took it. I constantly worry one day you're going to fall and I don't want that to happen. My goal when I get home is to talk to you more. I want to hear all your stoires and I want to make a book about you because you are the most fascinating person I have ever met. Everyone should get to know you or know about you. I feel like you have lived the dream life. My Dear Grandfather My dear grandfather, a wonderful man, Always believed in me, knew that I can. Wisdom of life, openly shared, Comforted me, when I was scared. My dear grandfather, routinely amaze, Since I was little, you gladly helped raise. Countless things, with patience you taught, You listened to me, whenever I thought. My dear grandfather, I truly care, You've always been, much more than fair. I'd like to wish you, only the best, With the dearest grandfather, I have been blessed . I'll leave it on this note granddaddy when you are no longer physically here with us anymore (which better not be for a super uber long time, you thought your 80th was fun you just wait until your 100th), know that you will live on through the many lives you have touched just like granny does. I know I have inherited some of your traits that will be carried on through many future generations, specifiaclly this dang Earle gene.
I love you granddaddy. XOXO, Your favorite granddaughter
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Last night I went for the longest run by myself. I ran once around the campus (my path is about 1.25 miles) and I ran the fastest I ever have. I ran that in 11 minutes and 07 seconds. Half way through my run on campus I called my mom and asked if it was okay to run off campus - I asked because I run at night. She said as long as I ran in an area of light. So I ran down univeristy avenue until I got to the interstate crossing. I ran over the bridge and stopped where the cars come off, as if they were going to head to the univeristy. I contemplated whether or not to run further. I wanted to run as far as I could. At that moment I wanted to get as far away from campus that I could take myself. I wanted to get away from the tests, the essays, the anxiety, the unaswered questions, my commitments, the pessimistics, the I told yous. For an hour and ten minutes I was able to escape. It was me, my music, and the pounding of my heart. I didn't know if it was sweat running down my cheek or tears. Sometime last week I posted this to facebook: I can't run away from all that's happened/ is happening but I can go for a run which makes me happy. For an hour it's me and my music and the sound of my heartbeat. When you exercise endorphins in the brain are released. Endorphins act as a natural "drug" that make a person more energetic, more awake and, yes, happier. The endorphins can kick in during run, after a workout or both, and are generally referred to as a "runner's high." Get active and go for a run, it'll make you feel better. After I've gone for my run I come back to my dorm and I think about everything - school, organizations, life. You name it and it's probably crossed my mind. I run at night because it's the last thing I do in the day (plus not an many people can see my awful self running). I've gone for runs at nine, eleven and even later. Why do I run at night? Because like you read earlier exercising releases endorphins and those endorphins act as a natrual drug and you get this "runer high". For the last thirty minutes of my day while I'm picking my outfit for the next day, packing my bag for my classes, talking to my mom, and taking a shower I'm happy. I go to bed happy. The last thing I do before I go to bed is pray and then I go to bed with a smile. This happiness gives me hope and optimism for the next day. I'm writing this today to tell you that if you're ever feeling down or need to escape to go for a run. It's the best thing you can do. Not only is it healthy but I can promise you're going to feel a lot better after you do it. Every day I look forward to my runs. I count down the minutes until I've finished my homework or my organizations for the day. The best part is you get to decide how much you run and when you stop - no one else can tell you that. You can go by yourself or a friend. I have this app called Runkeeper and I highly suggest you use it if you go running. Every five minutes it tells me of my progress and at the end of my run it tells me if I've beat any of my previous runs - distance, time, average pace, etc. It's great. So far in the last seven days I've ran 15.4 miles. Every day the runs become better and easier. Go out and go for a run! Start a new hobby. Get up and go! Life is too short to sit around and be a couch potato.
Have a terrific Thursday! XOXO, Running Gearle Have you ever felt like everything in life that could go wrong is going wrong? Have you ever hit rock bottom? Have you ever felt hopeless? Alone? Confused? Overwhelmed? Betrayed? Ignored? Have you ever felt like everything in the universe is going against you?
Have you ever felt happy? Relieved? Proud? Simple? Cherished? Loved? Have you ever found the answer? Have you ever not felt anything at all? Have you ever felt every emotion at once? Both happened today. I can cry but I can’t tell you the emotion I’m crying for. I thought the worst day of my life was when I hit rock bottom in seventh grade when I had been physically and verbally bullied. Then I thought the worst day of my life was when my granny never woke up on Christmas break. Then I thought the worst day of my life was sitting in the Dean of Students office and having my world shaken up. Then today happened, and nothing compares to what happened today. I don’t even know where to go from here, both for the blog and my life. On the outside my eyes are puffy but I’m smiling and I’m good. On the inside I’m drowning and just when I catch my breath another wave slaps me in the face. But it’s not just a wave. It's the sand as well. The sand gets in my mouth and I can’t breathe. I literally know how that feels. Fun story time: When I was about five or six I collected seashells. Me, my mom, and my grandparents went to a beach. I had my plastic bag and I was ready to hunt. I remember putting my feet in the water and going out to my ankles. Then I saw this big wave and I ran away from it except it was faster than me. It caught me off balance and I literally fell face forward and the wave went over my head and the sand collected in my mouth. Not only do I feel like I’m drowning but I also feel like no one is there to catch me. I know what that feels like too. Story time again: When I was maybe four or five or five or six my mom and I walked to the park that was by our house. They had a jungle gym. My mom would hold my feet and I would “climb the monkey bars”. One day I was feeling adventurous and wanted to try the swinging monkey bars by myself (except I still wanted my mom's help) and so my mom helped me to the monkey bars and in an instance everything turned wrong. At the right moment I lifted my arm to change swings and my mom let go of my feet, I hit the ground hard. I was bloody from head to toe, the worst part was I still had to walk home - four blocks. I remember that feeling because it was first time I gasped for air, had the wind knocked out of me and lost the trust of someone. I think back to these memories and I’d rather experience them all over again than what I went through today. Nothing prepares you for the moment the breath is knocked out of you and then you begin to drown. Today I was defeated in more ways than just one or even two. Today a beast that’s been brewing and growing was released. I know that from this day forward, I’ll never be the same again. Much of the old Abby is gone and may never be back. Today I felt emotions that I didn’t think I could ever feel. I experienced emotions that I’ve never experienced before. Without going into much detail I went into a meeting fighting with every ounce in my body to fix something and praying and hoping for the best outcome that I thought we both wanted and an hour and a half later I was dumb struck. I was at a loss for words. I didn’t want to believe anything that I was hearing. I have never felt so betrayed in all my life. Everything that someone had been telling me was a lie. How could he do that to me? I trusted him. I believed in him. But all he had for me was lies. Is it even lies though? Was it the truth and now he's covering? Is it still the truth? ****************************************************************************** After taking an hour to think and ponder and ride home I’ve come up with how I can describe what I feel. If anyone knows me they know that my three goals in life are: 1.) Living in three centuries. I only have to live until I’m 104. 2.) Going to a Taylor Swift concert/ meeting her. 3.) Having an oval office. Look back at number two. Taylor Swift is my role model. She’s amazing. I know everything about her. In 2013 she came out with the album named Red. The title of the album was named Red because all of the emotions portrayed in her songs were that of red. That’s how I feel - red. I’m furious, I’m angry, I have passion, I’m still in love, I’m dead, I’m bleeding, I’m regretful, I’m hurting, I’m scared, I’m stopped in time, I’m betrayed, I’m at war. I am RED. Red is everything. Red is love, red is passion, red is anger. Red. I use to think of myself as pink or yellow. Very happy and blissful. I was very optimistic. Now I’m stuck. I can not comprehend. I’m going to be basic - I can’t even. Earlier in the year I had plans of going to a Taylor Swift concert but things changed. I was so excited and started planning. I saw where a girl made a poster of all of T-Swift’s songs on that particular album as a poster for the concert. I decided to do the same thing for her 1989 tour. When I wrote this almost a month ago I looked at it and thought wow it’s kind of dark. I was surprised. Everything was great at the time. When writing this blog I remembered what I had written. All of this is true now except the last 26 words. Welcome to New York where your Wildest Dreams can come true. I came Out of the Woods to escape the Bad Blood we had. I needed to get Clean. This Love was more tragic than an out of Style Michael Kores purse. I Wish You Would have chosen me. All You Had to Do Was Stay. I Know Places we could have gone to Shake It Off. But in the end you left a Blank Space in my heart and you went off wondering who your next victim would be. How You Get the Girl next I pray isn’t as destructive as you got me. ****************************************************************************** Tonight I’m leaving on this note. My best friend has a picture to remember her last moment with her love and all I have is a memory of us rushing to class. Pictures can last forever and memories fade. Who even knows if the last words I read were actually yours since your friends are so good at stealing your phone. They were different from any other sorry or “goodbye” that I’ve ever received from you. But perhaps they were because I never thought you would have betray me like you did either or did you not? What am I left to believe and think? Where am I left to go? Who am I left to talk to? What do I do? |
Abby & AndreaA college student trying to figure out the world with her mom by herside. Life through my lens (Abby). We all have different stories and these are only some of mine. Some funny, some adventurous, some hard. Sit back and relax. Enjoy. Archives
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